Feedback: Giving It Well, Receiving It Better

Let’s talk about feedback for a minute.

Giving feedback.
Receiving feedback.

If you’ve ever had a job, led a team, used a piece of software, eaten at a restaurant, or owned a business, you’ve been on both sides of it. I definitely have.

Over the years, I’ve learned that feedback can be incredibly helpful. It can also go sideways fast. Most of the time, the difference comes down to emotions. When emotions take over, the message gets lost.

Giving Feedback Is Harder Than People Think

Giving good feedback sounds simple, but it really isn’t. It’s easy to react based on how we feel in the moment or how we think something should work. The problem is that emotional feedback usually isn’t very useful.

Good feedback sticks to facts.

Let’s use software as an example, because it’s one I’ve seen over and over again.

You’re using a tool that’s supposed to do X, Y, and Z. You’re asked to give feedback. Before jumping in, there are a few things worth slowing down and asking yourself.

Do you actually know how it’s supposed to work? Were you trained on it? If not, was training offered? If you do know how to use it, is it behaving the way it was described or sold to you?

And if it isn’t, what exactly happened?

Saying something like, “This software doesn’t work,” doesn’t help anyone. Saying, “On this date, item 123 didn’t update correctly when a sale came in,” does. That’s specific. That’s something a team can investigate and fix.

What doesn’t work is complaining that a system doesn’t do something it was never designed to do in the first place. That’s not feedback. That’s a mismatch of expectations.

That said, companies absolutely share responsibility here. If expectations aren’t clearly set up front, frustration is almost guaranteed.

Feedback Shows Up Everywhere

This doesn’t just apply to work or software.

Think about eating out. We’re constantly asked for feedback. Did you like your food? Would you come back?

There’s a big difference between saying, “I didn’t like it,” and explaining why.

Maybe the burger was dry. Maybe the steak was overcooked. Maybe the seasoning just wasn’t for you. That kind of feedback is honest and useful. It also doesn’t require being rude or dramatic to get the point across.

Receiving Feedback Is Where Things Get Tricky

This is the part most people struggle with.

A lot of people say they want feedback because they want to improve. But the second that feedback points out something that didn’t go perfectly, defenses go up.

I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count.

When you’re on the receiving end of feedback, the goal should be understanding, not defending. Ask questions. Get clarity. Listen all the way through before responding.

And most importantly, try not to fixate on tone. Look for patterns. Look for the message underneath.

If the goal is improvement, feedback isn’t an attack. It’s just information.

Ask for the Right Kind of Feedback

One of the best ways to get useful feedback is to be intentional about how you ask for it.

Instead of opening the door to broad opinions, narrow the focus. Ask specific questions. Use a smaller group when possible.

Imagine a restaurant testing a new menu item. Instead of rolling it out to everyone, they offer small samples to a few people and ask targeted questions. How does it taste? How’s the texture? Does it look appealing?

That kind of feedback is easier to digest, easier to act on, and far more helpful.

Why Feedback Matters

When feedback is given thoughtfully and received with an open mind, it’s one of the most valuable tools a business or individual can have. It helps improve products, tighten processes, and avoid wasting time and energy.

When emotions get in the way, everything slows down. People make excuses. Information stops flowing. Opportunities get missed.

Feedback isn’t about being right or wrong. It’s about understanding what’s actually happening and deciding what to do next.

So I’ll leave you with the same question I ask myself:

What do you think?